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Dispatches from the Wrong Side

A deranged gonzo romp through some of the planet’s finest discos and gutters … in 50 easy to swallow doses.


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Discombobulated glitterball title

From Las Vegas to Moscow, New York to Shanghai, Discombobulated features fifty unbelievably true tales of high living and low-cost slumming, with a celebrity cast including Paul Oakenfold, Fatboy Slim, Coolio, gangster Dave Courtney, Kylie Minogue, Take That and many more.

Revered clubbing correspondent Simon A. Morrison (DJMag, Ministry of Sound) takes readers on a pocket-sized, decade-spanning tour of the nightlife of five continents, bringing together the snappiest, wittiest, and hippest dispatches of the last eight years to make one of the classics of the clubbing generation.

This book will appeal to lovers of music, pop culture and travel. The heady ingredients of notorious nightspots, peppered with Morrison’s hilarious misadventures, will also enchant all retired, armchair and active hedonists nostalgic for the Golden Age of clubbing.

Contents — 50 Beats from the Wrong Side:

  1. Pikes: Checking into Ibiza’s infamous hotel; talking to Tony Pike; wearing another man’s Speedos to recreate the video to Wham!’s Club Tropicana
  2. Smugglers Run: Adventures of daring do with salty sea dogs on the High Seas (well, the Manchester Ship Canal)
  3. Foo Foo’s Palace: Undercover investigations in a transvestite joint: lost amongst screeching hens; trying on wigs with Foo Foo Lamaar
  4. Snowbusiness: Halfway up an Austrian alp we find some extremely confused Cubans in loud shirts and suspicious moustaches
  5. Sharm el Sheikh: The Sinai Desert; trading with Bedouin; avoiding landmines on a camel whilst both parametrically challenged and paralytically inebriated
  6. Fukdup: Adventures in Moscow with legendary loonball Mark Luvdup; the Cold War visibly thaws on the dancefloor
  7. Barcelona: Gaudy Gaudi; how to make McDonald’s a gourmet banquet
  8. Gus Gus: Reykjavik: interviewing the esoteric Icelandic band Gus Gus; Blue Lagoon; a coach crashes off a mountain road; dead or merely asleep?
  9. Ibiza Xbox: Upsetting the richest man on the planet in the planet’s hedonism HQ; who’s that at the door; grappling with the Fear
  10. Naples: Crazy Italians can’t drive; continual crashes (automotive and psychotropic)
  11. Stockholm: Nordic naughtiness and Viking victuals
  12. The Politics of Dancing: Why do humans like to gather together in certain buildings and bounce around till dawn? And why does authority have such a problem with it? Here’s why…
  13. Oh, Vienna: On guard against the avant-garde; WWIII breaks out around the dinner table between the Yanks and Limies
  14. Exit, Serbia: Serbia’s exit from repression is celebrated with one almighty party on the Danube; bust bridges, new friendships and skydiving turtles
  15. Fairies across the Mersey: A disco on the Mersey ferry; pitching up with the Garlands camp; Adventures and indulgence with Barry Mac; a desperate bid for freedom at Manchester airport
  16. Berlin: How to upset both the German government and Special Forces by the simple use of one gasmask
  17. Tribal Sessions: Deep down and tribal; assimilating with the rave natives in their urban jungle; the use of Hawaiian shirts; sobering up for lunch with Take That
  18. Leaving Las Vegas: Weird scenes inside the Mandalay; partying with superstar DJ Paul Oakenfold; down the Strip
  19. Big Day Out: Val d’Isere: Hernias a go go; how to slide down a very tall mountain, attached only to a thin piece of wood when drunk
  20. Kuala Lumpur Loony: How does one explain the presence of a gun in a bag at Kuala Lumpur airport?
  21. Croatia, put your mask on: Slapped into consciousness by a member of Her Majesty’s Special Forces; down the Adriatic Coast
  22. Skazi in Brazil: Narrowly evading kidnap in Sao Paolo; how to rhumba to the music of an Israeli thrash-metal-trance-dance band in the rainforests in Brazil
  23. Singapore Sling: Clint Dagger and his faithful companion Kelvin Rodriguez go hard undercover in the strip joints and dancehalls of southeast Asia
  24. Poland: Driving fast and true through the Polish countryside in a car with no brakes; last stop Auschwitz
  25. Whistler: Bums in trees; drunks up mountains; sloping off on the West Coast of Canada and upsetting the population of that great Commonwealth nation
  26. Kylie party: Happy Birthday dear Kyyyyylie; fast lessons in gatecrashing a pop diva’s party
  27. Ibiza and le Bon: Meeting Simon le Bon, poolside; as smooth as you like
  28. Coolio: The rap heavyweight arrives in the metropolis of Macclesfield; ejected from the VIP room — three times (the chicken wasn’t even that great)
  29. On the Wrong Side with Fat Boy: A reflection on the Clan Morrison… the “Disco Clan”; amongst the Hibernians of Glasgow and Fat Boy Slim
  30. Interview with the Gangster: Hunting down the multiple murderer and celebrity gangster Dave Courtney to his very own manor, Castle Camelot; Disco Dave pulls a gun
  31. Last Tango in Paris: Bizarre encounters with super models, Sting and Mick Hucknall; all equally gorgeous (apart from the last one)
  32. Take That and Party: A kitchen in Stockport and a nice cup of tea with Take That
  33. Ibiza with Judith Chalmers: Summer holidays with the First Lady of family TV; Wish You Were Here!
  34. From Dusk till Dawn: Twisted adventures in the Titty Twister; two brothers go to the Bad Place
  35. The Blair Crasher Project: A journey into the cyber heart of Gatecrasher; adopted by the Crasher Kids
  36. The Donkey Show: What happens when you cross Studio 54, William Shakespeare and a donkey? Quoting Shakespeare and Bee Gees, measure for measure; kicked out of Arden
  37. Fear and Loathing in Stalybridge: The good Doctor has finally passed over to the Wrong Side; a personal eulogy
  38. Moscow: Deported from Russia: “it’s a simple misunderstanding officer, honest”; subsequently adopted by kindly BA stewardesses
  39. Cologne: Nazis, S&M, fetish parties, bombs and skeletons; the aroma of Cologne
  40. Shanghai Surprise: Brothels and neons twinkle in the heart of the Orient; bad karaoke and even worse disco dancing
  41. 24 Hour Party People: Baggy, loose fit trousers and floppy hats; tripping down memory lane to MADchester; an extra in the movie 24 Hour Party People
  42. Sex and sexuality: We all do it. Allegedly. But what’s it all about, then? And how does one go about getting some?
  43. Top of the Pops: Behind the scenes at the BBC; meeting the popstars; almost barred from TOTP
  44. New York Stories: A suite at the Chelsea Hotel; investigations into beatific New York
  45. Zouk Singapore: Talking Woodstock and the Summer of Love; shown around one of the most famous discos on the planet by its elusive owner, Lincoln Cheng
  46. No Wax: Do we really need records to DJ? In a digital age do we even need DJs? iPod snobs and music slobs unite!
  47. Afterparties: A thorough underground investigation into the murky world of afterparties; what happens when the needle has left the record?
  48. D.O.N.S. DI.S.C.O.: Stranded; alone; lost in the heart of Germany in the midst of a Russian winter; a light offers sanctuary; throwing oneself on the mercy of a gimp with a heart
  49. Dave Beer’d: Glamour and excess with the legendary promoter of Back II Basics; surviving a weekend with Mr Beer
  50. The Last Supper: San FranDisco; nowhere left to go in that great westward expansion; the Last Supper; eating, drinking; talking disco dancing and backdoor wrongness.
Howard DonaldTake That
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“Getting the band get back together was really something, but nothing could come close to having a cup of tea in Stockport with Simon.”
DJ Mag
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“Simon’s words allow me, if only for a minute, to feel like Alice in Wonderland, where all is weird and wonderful and very funny. He is a great writer and deserves praise.”
Judge JulesRadio 1
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“It’s Simon's job to take the temperature of the hottest parties on the map.”
Sample Pages
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Simon A. Morrison

SIMON A. MORRISON has been a writer for many years. Highlights include editing Ministry of Sound’s magazine on the party island of Ibiza for two summers, and writing two long-running columns: Dispatches, and Around The World in 80 Clubs. He has been published in i-D, DJ Magazine, Shortlist, Hotline and the Manchester Evening News.


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